It was Steve Jobs, I remember, who said,
“Death is very likely the single best invention of Life.”
It came to me lately this uneasy feeling that I’m not quite able to explain, even to myself.It’s not necessarily haunting, but it does follow me everywhere. It’s been weeks, if not months, that this feeling has been around: the thought of time when I die. The only thing that hold me to write about this is that I’m occupied enough with works to distract me to mind this thought. But every time my mind is alone, with no one to talk to, it always came back. It appears every day when I take a shower, it wakes me up in the middle of the night, it even arises when I’m having conversation with people. I fear that it’s not wise to ignore this feeling. So here I am, trying to explain to myself the scenario when I die.
If I die today, I know that there will be a couple of people to mourn my funeral. My parents, my family, my best friends, and my partner. Not too many, perhaps even just a few of them. But that’s not what I’m concerned about. I don’t even feel like that I fear the death itself. What I fear though, strangely enough, is that if I haven’t told people what I have in my mind. I fear that I will be buried along with my thought left untold. I don’t mean that people need to know everything in my head. I’m used to being misunderstood by people. Not their fault, it’s just me who talk very little, and unintentionally gave them biased assumption about me. So, it is a bit logical that I don’t just fear to die, but it’s worse that I also fear to die and be buried with a wrong concept of me. I don’t mean to be selfish, but everyone minds themselves if it’s about dying, don’t they?
If we just know each other, I think it’s easy for you to get me wrong, because I’m just that bad at doing small talks, I’m very sorry. Talk to me about how is today’s weather, or what’s the latest gossips, and it’s likely I’ll disappoint you for not catching up. But do me talk about the universe, space, your favorite story, religious views, the latest breakthrough, humanity, future, philosophy, history, our ancestors, nature, your favorite arts, and everything in between or beyond. I will listen to you, learn from you, and will not forget about you.
So, in case I die today, and we haven’t met and never exchanged our thoughts on universe and humanity yet, let me write something for you, my friends of today, and my friends from the future. Let me show you acorner of my mind attic. A eulogy of my departure.
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This is going to be the pre series of #TBID.
Thoughts Before I Die.
I also recorded myself reading this here.
